I eat raw cookie dough straight from the tube while binge-watching trashy reality TV dating shows on Sunday nights.

I told my book club I couldn’t host this month because of a plumbing emergency. I actually just wanted to drink Pinot Noir in my bathtub without talking to anyone.

I told my friend I had read the classic book they recommended, but I just watched a 15-minute YouTube summary video.

I told my wife I lost my wedding ring while swimming at the beach, but I actually dropped it down the bathroom sink drain.

I watch reality TV trash drama every single night just to make my own stressful life feel peaceful by comparison.

Moving away for my dream job made me realize how quickly people forget about you when you aren't physically around.

I have been claiming to know things that I never learned until someone asked me directly.

My husband’s country club rival tried to humiliate him at the annual dinner. I quietly spilled red wine on his wife’s $4,000 gown in the powder room.

I let my teacher praise me for a group project where I did literally zero percent of the work.

My neighbor plays loud music until 2 AM. I plugged an automated smart plug into his outdoor outlet and shut his patio speakers off every 20 minutes.

I eat a bowl of honey-glazed popcorn mixed with chocolate chips while watching sad romance movies.

I’m head over heels for my wife’s twin sister. Whenever they wear the same style clothes, my heart stops and I have to leave the room.

I act super calm during emergencies, but the second I am alone, my chest caves in from delayed panic.

My childhood best friend and I grew apart so slowly that I didn't even notice the exact day we became strangers.

My parents think I stopped playing video games years ago, but I bought a handheld console and play under the covers.